It Runs in the Family

My children's harebrained schemes never cease to amaze me. Just yesterday I had to supervise the oldest washing mud off the side of the house where he had used my bathroom window as target practice with custom made mud balls. It gave me flashbacks to last year when he spray painted a tiny sheet of paper in the floor of my office-in front of a space heater. He also has been known to remove the screws from his desk chair so it collapses on the unsuspecting victim who sits in it. Don't think though that he's the only one. Another child was seen walking down the stairs this morning with eyes squeezed shut just to see if it could be done without falling.
I am inclined to believe they take after their dad in this arena because I have heard stories of his childhood antics.  However, as soon as I convince myself that I was above such shenanigans, God (and my mom) remind me of my own ill-conceived stunts.
There was the time I cut my toe with a shovel, and as soon as it healed, I did it again-same toe, same shovel as I attempted a reenactment of what-not-to-do for my brother. I also once duct taped my eyes in order to pretend to be blind. Sometimes my plans involved an accomplice, who shall remain unnamed so that no one can urge her to spill the beans on any of our Lucy and Ethel adventures.
As I take stock of my childhood and the goobish stunts I pulled, my kids suddenly seem really smart. After all, when you walk downstairs with OUT duct tape on your eyes, they can be opened in case of emergency, and no eyebrows or lashes are forcibly lost in the process. Perhaps they do get that from their dad after all.

The Flu Causes Irritability...even if you're not the sick one

I just had a pretty little meltdown. Two of the kids are sick with the flu-going on day 4, so I am being held prisoner by two whiny kids who can't agree on show to watch or the proper boundaries over which the other's feet are not allowed to cross. I am also now the official butler, but instead of a tiny bell to get my attention, they have loud, irrational screams to make their requests.
Yesterday they both wanted orange juice, and being out, I decided to make them some from scratch. ie. fresh squeezed from a Sam's sized bag of oranges. Any other day I would tell them it's just too bad, but I was hoping to force enough vitamin C through their systems to end this viral hell. Do you know how many oranges you have to annihilate to get two glasses of O.J.? I'm not going to tell you-you'll have to do the work yourself to find out like I did. I do have sore arms from it today though. I should also point out that I am allergic to oranges, so I have had a massive headache since I did that, but it's a sacrifice a mother makes for her sick kids, right?
This morning they wanted French toast, and since neither has had an appetite to eat anything in several days, I thought making it for them (from scratch of course) would help them get some strength back. One kid ate some, but the other (the one who specifically asked for French toast) whined that it didn't look right and she could NOT eat it! And what was I thinking for putting eggs on her bread?! I guess the only reason she has liked it in the past is because she hasn't seen how you make it.
My printer picked today to decide printing photos is too much work as is printing any text on the left half of the page. Which means the printing job I needed to get done this morning gave me an extra measure of joy (and apparently sarcasm).
Now as I type, there is a tantrum in the works beside me as the colored pencil that was SUPPOSED to be gray is coloring purple instead. Somehow I am responsible for the misleading tint of the pencil, but I haven't figured out how.
The icing on the cake came when I was trying to get in a few bites of leftover pasta for breakfast/lunch at 10:30 to stave off hunger-induced irritability. I may not have eaten fast enough for that. The Elmo video froze causing an uproar among the feverish wardens, and in my haste to fix the movie, I dropped my food all over the floor.
As I screamed at my kids to sit down and shut their ungrateful little mouths, the dog sweetly cleaned up my mess and Handy Manny soothed the troops. I'd go soak in a hot bath to sooth myself, but the water heater is on the fritz, and we won't have hot water available until about 4:00. By the time the Littles all get to bed, it will be scalding, which is great because not a single flu germ can survive the bath, and I can stay well to do this all again tomorrow.