A few weeks ago I had the joy of driving my three kids across the state while my husband and the father of these monkeys was on a mission trip in Honduras. I thought going to visit relatives would be a great way to help the time pass in his absence and perhaps prolong their lives until his return. After all, if everyone is buckled into their appropriate seats, they can't very well harm each other, and with the distraction of other people playing with them and loving on them, I will feel less ready to choke them. Theoretically.
Experience has proven that our trip would include many potty stops, even some in the grass along the side of the highway, and plenty of whiney "are we there yets" and "he's kicking my seat!" I even figured we would get stuck behind at least one car on a 2 lane road that insists on driving 10 miles under the speed limit. These are just normal parts of the King family car trip. I even emailed my sister-in-law to tell her to add an additional hour to our expected arrival time for potty stops and vomit incidents. (one of the kids gets car sick. Thankfully Dramamine saved us that little gift this time) She suggested I just force all of them to take care of their peeing and puking before we leave home in order to get to her house on time. We tried our best.
Here is a short list of some of the things I had not banked on:
*The 3 year old back seat driver. Each time the GPS told me to turn, a little voice would nag, "Mom, she said 'turn left.' You better turn left! Was that left?" He was helpful.
*A dead bee in the car. At one stop, the oldest kid was fascinated by this bee, and he wanted to keep it, much to the chagrin of his dramatic little sister. She was completely freaked out that he kept the bee in a cup in the back seat, and she kept screaming, "He's trying to kill me with that bee!!!!!" I almost drove off the side of the road when her screams startled me. Fortunately, we got the dead bee passed to the front seat, tossed out the window, and no one was killed by it. Bullet dodged.
*the unprecedented amount of roadkill, especially deer. It's a good thing we left on time and took the motion sick meds because if we'd pushed our destination further into the evening, we would have been playing dodge the hoofed beasts. After the 763rd time someone from the back called out, "I'm bored, are we ever gonna get to Aunt Debra's house," I suggested that the kids play a little game, similar to license plate Bingo, but geared for the younger kids' participation as well. I call it "identify that dead animal." I kid you not, I had JUST seen an entire herd of deer lined out on the shoulder from what I can only assume was a party on the pavement gone terrible wrong the night before. I began to wonder if the same vehicle (maybe a Hummer specially outfitted to withstand smacking a deer at 65 mph) was playing chicken with all these animals. Yet, the very instant I convinced three little heads to watch for roadkill out their windows and yell out what they see, there was nothing. Not even an armadillo, and everyone knows armadillos are practically suicidal! So what did my precious babies do? They whined more. "You lied to us. There's nothing to look at out here. You said you saw dead deer, but there aren't any." If I had seen a live deer at that moment, I might have whacked it just to shut the kids up.
Another event I should have but couldn't possibly have foreseen was the youngest child's reaction to his sister looking for deer out HIS window. He screamed at her, "stop looking out my window! It's MY window!" This tirade has also carried over into every outing we take in the car. I'm about to black the window out with shoe polish so no one can look out it at all!
Eventually we arrived safely, but the very next day I got a speeding ticket. Ever gotten a speeding ticket with your children in the back seat? I urge you to try it. No, I urge you to let your spouse be the one to do it!
After we got back home, I had to get my court papers notarized to send to the nice county that issued me the ticket, and when we were going to the notary's office, I had to explain where we were going. The youngest was astonished, "you got a speeding ticket?! You SPEED?" He was shaming me with his tone. I said, "Well yeah, the one time I did." The oldest, whose fatherly look scolded me in the rear view mirror, wasn't buying it. He tilted his head just the same way his parents do when we don't quite believe what he's telling us, and he said, "really? Just the one time?" Yes! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Happy car tripping!
Experience has proven that our trip would include many potty stops, even some in the grass along the side of the highway, and plenty of whiney "are we there yets" and "he's kicking my seat!" I even figured we would get stuck behind at least one car on a 2 lane road that insists on driving 10 miles under the speed limit. These are just normal parts of the King family car trip. I even emailed my sister-in-law to tell her to add an additional hour to our expected arrival time for potty stops and vomit incidents. (one of the kids gets car sick. Thankfully Dramamine saved us that little gift this time) She suggested I just force all of them to take care of their peeing and puking before we leave home in order to get to her house on time. We tried our best.
Here is a short list of some of the things I had not banked on:
*The 3 year old back seat driver. Each time the GPS told me to turn, a little voice would nag, "Mom, she said 'turn left.' You better turn left! Was that left?" He was helpful.
*A dead bee in the car. At one stop, the oldest kid was fascinated by this bee, and he wanted to keep it, much to the chagrin of his dramatic little sister. She was completely freaked out that he kept the bee in a cup in the back seat, and she kept screaming, "He's trying to kill me with that bee!!!!!" I almost drove off the side of the road when her screams startled me. Fortunately, we got the dead bee passed to the front seat, tossed out the window, and no one was killed by it. Bullet dodged.
*the unprecedented amount of roadkill, especially deer. It's a good thing we left on time and took the motion sick meds because if we'd pushed our destination further into the evening, we would have been playing dodge the hoofed beasts. After the 763rd time someone from the back called out, "I'm bored, are we ever gonna get to Aunt Debra's house," I suggested that the kids play a little game, similar to license plate Bingo, but geared for the younger kids' participation as well. I call it "identify that dead animal." I kid you not, I had JUST seen an entire herd of deer lined out on the shoulder from what I can only assume was a party on the pavement gone terrible wrong the night before. I began to wonder if the same vehicle (maybe a Hummer specially outfitted to withstand smacking a deer at 65 mph) was playing chicken with all these animals. Yet, the very instant I convinced three little heads to watch for roadkill out their windows and yell out what they see, there was nothing. Not even an armadillo, and everyone knows armadillos are practically suicidal! So what did my precious babies do? They whined more. "You lied to us. There's nothing to look at out here. You said you saw dead deer, but there aren't any." If I had seen a live deer at that moment, I might have whacked it just to shut the kids up.
Another event I should have but couldn't possibly have foreseen was the youngest child's reaction to his sister looking for deer out HIS window. He screamed at her, "stop looking out my window! It's MY window!" This tirade has also carried over into every outing we take in the car. I'm about to black the window out with shoe polish so no one can look out it at all!
Eventually we arrived safely, but the very next day I got a speeding ticket. Ever gotten a speeding ticket with your children in the back seat? I urge you to try it. No, I urge you to let your spouse be the one to do it!
After we got back home, I had to get my court papers notarized to send to the nice county that issued me the ticket, and when we were going to the notary's office, I had to explain where we were going. The youngest was astonished, "you got a speeding ticket?! You SPEED?" He was shaming me with his tone. I said, "Well yeah, the one time I did." The oldest, whose fatherly look scolded me in the rear view mirror, wasn't buying it. He tilted his head just the same way his parents do when we don't quite believe what he's telling us, and he said, "really? Just the one time?" Yes! That's my story, and I'm sticking to it. Happy car tripping!
