If you think my title is harsh, I can only assume you aren't a mom. The rest of you who are still reading know what it's like to have your favorite chochki shattered by little hands, have an audience while you're trying to use the bathroom, or bolt out of bed at 3 am to the sounds of a child vomiting. Most likely, as a mom, you know all of the above...maybe even on the same day. See? Stupid!
Currently I have raw fingertips where I have been picking superglue off of them for two days. The reason? Kid 2's hair got tangled in a plate hanger on the wall (I don't know how or why) and the keepsake plate with kid 1's footprint became a victim of the tile floor. Now as I cleaned up the pieces, 1 was prepared to help me throw them away until he realized it was his rather than #3's plate. So we saved every last shard, and after three tubes of glue and two days of work, his footprint is recognizable once again. Mostly. Stupid! My sweet friend suggested I borrow a kid that age and remake the plate with the imposter print. No one would be the wiser. She's a genius, and this is why we're friends!
Not only have I spent my weekend gluing my fingers together, but I'm going to be constipated until the last kid goes to college. Yes, I went there. Why? Because The second I walk into a bathroom and shut the door, a kid pops in to see what I'm doing. Apparently children have it in their heads that moms are having secret bathroom parties, and they are missing all the fun. Why doesn't anyone ever barge in on daddies on toilets? We recently replaced a broken bathroom lock, and I had high hopes of going alone for a change and perhaps completing well, you know. HAD high hopes. I used to avoid using that bathroom because I never knew when my son would walk in with half the boys in the neighborhood to ask if they could have a lemonade stand. The new lock is no help whatsoever though. The two oldest kids try to beat each other's lock-picking records all the time. The girl is up to 2 seconds flat with her thumbnail. Indoor locks-stupid! A keyed deadbolt would have been a better choice.
I could go on about the idiotic things mothers have to deal with, but I won't because one of my angels projectile spit toothpaste on the mirror and faucet handles, and my services are needed.
I want to leave this on a sweet note rather than a complaint though. As moms also know, our job is a blessed gift, and we wouldn't wish it away for any amount of sleep or laundry-free days. I think. I'm envisioning what a week of 8 hours sleep, no tiny socks to match, and no one screaming "Mo-om" with that whiny tattle tale voice that makes us want to run away...sorry I digress. There is nothing more beautiful than the sound of your sweet baby's voice at any age saying "Mom, you're the best mom I ever had. I love you!" We endure all the stupid stuff for unbeatable moments of pure heaven. The good time refuel us for the next round of broken plates, blue spit all over the sink, and the next go round of bathroom humiliation. Happy parenting!
