If anyone reading this knew my dad, you may find it ironic to note that I do not like birds. They're not creepy really, except for those massive flocks that move like a black cloud with one mind; I just don't want them eating my vegetation, pooping on my stuff, or making noise. I don't buy birdseed because it would attract birds, and I can't see why I'd want to do that.

It was with this mindset that Saturday evening my son found a small mourning dove with a broken wing and brought it home to take care of. (side note: just because I don't like birds does not mean I can't identify them. Thanks, Dad.) Not knowing what to do for the bird or for my compassionate children who wanted to see the bird be alright, I helped them gently put it in our courtyard with water and cracker crumbs. After it survived the weekend, I bought a 5 lb. bag of birdseed, the smallest I could find. We have been faithful to check on the little guy, and my daughter prays for God to heal it so the bird "can fly away over the wall all by itself." It's a sweet life lesson for them, and for me as well as I am learning to care for one of God's creatures.

And then there was an incident today. The two year old opened the door to the courtyard so he could see the "buddie and the teedle" (birdie and turtle) but our gigantic dog rushed out and snatched the bird before I could stop it. She brought it inside shaking it like her rope, and I screamed. She slithered off to her crate, and I rushed to the aid of the pitiful, contorted bird in my floor. Not knowing what else to do, I got a shoe box from the closet (see, having a shoe obsession is helpful!) to use as a makeshift stretcher or coffin, whichever. The bird appeared to be barely clinging to life, and I thought it would be much easier for me to stomach disposing of it later if it were already boxed up. As soon as I got it in the box and back in the courtyard, I had to leave to pick up my daughter at school. On the way home I explained to her what had happened, and when she went to check if I had told the truth, she found the bird sitting upright, a vast improvement over his earlier state. I tried to reposition the distorted wing, and we configured the lid of the box to provide shade and still be open on top. Then my girl began to pray for the bird. "Dear God," then she made a raising motion with her hand and told me, "take the lid off so I can see what I'm praying for." Then she sweetly asked the Father to heal each injured body part.

Three hours later, we broke the news to my oldest on the way home from school, and all three rushed the courtyard to see if the bird was alive. He was, and in fact, he had hopped out of the box! I am amazed even now that the thing survived the rottweiler's grip, and I never expected to see it moving again after the shocking living room floor rescue.

God is stirred by the prayers of the faithful, especially little children who have yet to develop hearts and minds of doubt.

In the car tonight, my daughter started to tell me something, "when the bird flies away," but I stopped her to interject that the bird couldn't fly. Irritated by my helpfulness, she snipped, "quit interrupting! WHEN the bird flies away, we will have lots and lots of birdseed left over to feed more and more birds. We can help all of them!" Oh great, do you see what happens when you do nice things?!

when I grow up I want to be young again

Yesterday I had to buy new wrinkle cream because the old one I had was making me break out. That's not even close to what I had in mind for younger looking skin!

I do not like being in my thirties. I don't know why, because if I weren't, it would mean I'm dead and not here to raise my babies. However, there is nothing cool about being out of high school longer than the teens I teach have been alive! Not cool at all. Sometimes when I've cleaned up after the kids and dog and caught a glimpse of my frazzled reflection in passing, I longingly think back to a simpler time when I was single and lived alone. Do you know how many people you have to clean up after when you live alone? ONE, and even that's optional.

But thinking about what life used to be like is a bad idea because you never see it clearly for what it really was. For instance, child birth. That is a hell like I can't even explain, but once a mom holds her baby, she forgets all about the bad stuff and eventually may even want to have more babies-knowing what it takes to get them here. She just blurs over the bad parts.

I also do that when I crave oranges. I love everything about oranges, their smell, texture and flavor. I even love that you have to peel them because there is pleasure in seeing how few pieces I can peel it in. But sadly, I am quite allergic to oranges, and they do bad things to my body. Peeling one for my kids burns my hands, and eating them burns my throat and leads to sinus infections. And yet, they continue to entice me. When I see and smell an orange, I just WANT it!

Then yesterday I read a scripture that pierced straight to my heart because it addresses all of my longings. Psalm 103:1-5 is an unbelievable comfort to me right now. It tell me that God redeems my life from the pit, which is exactly where I was living in my single days in that quiet apartment. In truth, while I look back and think about how great it was, at the time, I was rebelling against God's will for me, and I was angry with Him. Now though, He "crowns [me] with love and compassion." Psalm 103 also tells me that God "satisfies [my] desires with good things" so I don't have to long for things that will hurt me or leave me drained, like oranges do. Unfortunately, oranges aren't the only unhealthy desires I invite into my life. Praise God that You love me enough to keep pouring on the "good things!" Finally, vs. 5 amazes me with its assurance that through "good things" my "youth is renewed." I'm hoping that means I can stop buying wrinkle cream because my face is about to look 24 again! Maybe not, but I am claiming that renewal today.

Investment Returns and Heart Surgery

Don't worry, I am not about to give you financial advice. First off, I was only marginally successful in that math class with all the % rates. I'm just glad I know what APR means, but if I had to calculate it, I'd be in trouble. Second, the only time I invested in the stock market, I realized about a month in that I wouldn't make rent without that money, so let's just say my portfolio is...limited.

I do however know a little about time and spiritual investing, mainly because I have also been unwise in those areas of investment. I also know a little (very little) about heart surgery because, well, I'm a nerd, and that stuff interests me.

Christian radio stations have been updating about the newborn son of Sanctus Real's lead singer this week as he endured a 4 hour open heart surgery and almost died yesterday. It has really effected me and convicted me of how I take this life for granted.

I invest my time and my spiritual heart in so many different things that I've lost count. Reading novels, not cleaning my house, and shopping are three of my current faves. As long as I spread myself around, I don't have to invest too much into one area, and I protect myself against any hurt that may come from one direction. Because if I give myself completely to a relationship or a project and they fail, it feels much worse than if I just got my feet wet and they fail. Yet, my efforts at diversification have not given me the returns I had hoped for. I don't feel well-rounded and fulfilled; instead, I feel depleted, broken. My heart wasn't constructed to work in pieces, and just as my blood-pumping heart must be whole to keep me alive, my spiritual heart must be wisely invested in one thing, the one true Thing, in order to maximize its yield. If only I had given all of my heart over to God in the first place, by now the rate of return would be incalculable. Now I feel like I am simultaneously scrambling to gather all the broken pieces of my heart in one location and doling them back out in other wrong places. I know I said I don't get that kind of math, but this can't be good for my eternal portfolio!

So I'm trying to reset. I'm gathering the pieces of my heart and giving them the the Lord Almighty to stitch together perfectly. And I'm certain when I do, everything else will yield accordingly.

For the past several weeks, my youngest has been fixated on watching the same movie over and over. If you read my facebook statuses, you know what it is, and if not, I will start at the beginning of the movie and recite lines until you guess it. Just kidding. It's Monsters Inc. Or to my two year old, "Monkers Inc." It getting really old. And it's not like all we do it sit around watching movies, but if we're in the house, he is either begging watch it or sweet talking someone into turning on the DVD player for him.

I realized this afternoon that he's not alone in his old man rut. My oldest is getting painfully predictable at asking me the same question at least 20 times a day...to go see if the neighbor boy can play. If I say no, then I get to hear it asked in more creative ways. And my daughter, well you can bet that if I choose her outfit or fix her hair, I will be a complete idiot and do it all wrong. I don't expect that one to change much over the next decade (and a half!) The dog's not even mixing it up anymore! At least they're all consistent, right?

There are some perks to consistency. The Bible says says that Jesus is the same now as he has always been and will ever be. That's my paraphrase of Heb. 13:8 It's good to know that my God of the Bible who healed and loved broken people is the same God of 2010, healing and loving people. It gives me peace as I'm cleaning the carpet and folding the laundry just like I do alllllll the time that He is watching over me and taking care of me just like he does all the time. I wonder if it ever gets old for Him like it does for me? I don't know, if taking care of me is to God what Monsters Inc is to my kid, then I have nothing to worry about!