when I grow up I want to be young again

Yesterday I had to buy new wrinkle cream because the old one I had was making me break out. That's not even close to what I had in mind for younger looking skin!

I do not like being in my thirties. I don't know why, because if I weren't, it would mean I'm dead and not here to raise my babies. However, there is nothing cool about being out of high school longer than the teens I teach have been alive! Not cool at all. Sometimes when I've cleaned up after the kids and dog and caught a glimpse of my frazzled reflection in passing, I longingly think back to a simpler time when I was single and lived alone. Do you know how many people you have to clean up after when you live alone? ONE, and even that's optional.

But thinking about what life used to be like is a bad idea because you never see it clearly for what it really was. For instance, child birth. That is a hell like I can't even explain, but once a mom holds her baby, she forgets all about the bad stuff and eventually may even want to have more babies-knowing what it takes to get them here. She just blurs over the bad parts.

I also do that when I crave oranges. I love everything about oranges, their smell, texture and flavor. I even love that you have to peel them because there is pleasure in seeing how few pieces I can peel it in. But sadly, I am quite allergic to oranges, and they do bad things to my body. Peeling one for my kids burns my hands, and eating them burns my throat and leads to sinus infections. And yet, they continue to entice me. When I see and smell an orange, I just WANT it!

Then yesterday I read a scripture that pierced straight to my heart because it addresses all of my longings. Psalm 103:1-5 is an unbelievable comfort to me right now. It tell me that God redeems my life from the pit, which is exactly where I was living in my single days in that quiet apartment. In truth, while I look back and think about how great it was, at the time, I was rebelling against God's will for me, and I was angry with Him. Now though, He "crowns [me] with love and compassion." Psalm 103 also tells me that God "satisfies [my] desires with good things" so I don't have to long for things that will hurt me or leave me drained, like oranges do. Unfortunately, oranges aren't the only unhealthy desires I invite into my life. Praise God that You love me enough to keep pouring on the "good things!" Finally, vs. 5 amazes me with its assurance that through "good things" my "youth is renewed." I'm hoping that means I can stop buying wrinkle cream because my face is about to look 24 again! Maybe not, but I am claiming that renewal today.