Exorcist mom and the Easter Bunny

My kids are filling their own Easter eggs right now while they hurl mock insults at each other. "Take your snoogy nose and you stinky mouth and get out of here!" I'd intervene, but they're laughing hysterically, and that's such a nice sound. I was laughing earlier when the 6 year old told me, "me and my friend Ryan toot together at school." (sorry, Ryan's mom) "You what?!" "We toot. You know...[makes armpit noises] We're trying to make up our own language of toots. That would be so cool to just [armpit fart] for hi and [double pit fart] for bye."

I bet it's wrong for a mom to laugh at that, but what was I supposed to do?

It didn't take too long for our amusement to take a turn south though. They ganged up on me earlier to get me to give them sugary snacks right before dinner. LITERALLY 10 minutes before I intended to feed them! The whining got so bad that I yelled at them in a low, mean voice that was so scary I wasn't sure it was mine. And now my throat hurts. Did it work? Not so much. And as my husband reminds me, the money we spent on parenting CDs was well spent!

This is a picture of us on the polar Express train at Christmas, and the face I'm making as I speak "firmly" to my son is authentic. He had just stepped on my lap after I told him not to, and his falling off my lap and into my face shifted my contact lens. This is the moment that followed-captured for posterity by my better half. I kept it to remind me how ridiculous I look when I scold my kids. At least I was quiet. Wish I had a recording to remind me how I sound when I get so mad the Exorcist voice comes out. But now that I'm hoarse and can't talk at all from yelling, my beloved might appreciate that one moment of bad parenting on my part is about to result in a night of silence for him.

mail me to Macy's

I had fun with all my kids home last week. It's been quiet here the past few days, and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. On the other hand, as I type this, my daughter is putting gold stars on my back, and the baby's singing into the Rock Band microphone, so it's business as usual for a Wednesday. And as usual, I will probably forget to remove my stickers before going to the gym later. I just wish that one morning they'd put them all over their dad's suit before he heads to the office. The "I'm learning to use the potty" stickers they use to tag the toddlers at church would be the best kind for him! Once at the grocery store a kind woman ran up to me as I was loading kids into a cart and whispered that someone had taped a note to my back. Sure enough, there was a 4"x6" UPS packing label in the middle of my back compliments of my then 3 yr old princess. I think it was a return label for Macy's, which is exactly where I'd ship myself if I could! Instead of letting the nice lady peel it off of me, I should have let her watch the kids while I delivered myself to the UPS store. Well, the baby's using a marker, so it's wise that I get off here and keep both eyes on him. If you see me later with gold stars on my back, just congratulate me for going potty on my own, and I'll know what you mean!

I bet they get it from their dad

My children are insanely funny. And smart, and a little weird...in a good way. They like to play Rock Band on the Wii, and they'll play with the instruments and pretend to be in a band even when it's not hooked up. Yesterday my 2 yr old was playing drums and singing back up to my 4 yr old daughter singing, "It's your fau-alt. And your fau-alt. It's everyone's fault but mine!" And when she was done, she introduced me to her stuff animal friend Pinkalicious. What could she possible be watching on TV that would plant that in her mind?! Dora???

Then today the boys had their moments. The 6 yr old tried to out-logic me in the car, and in another year, I will be toast! He wanted to know why I won't let him have a pet snake. Again. And I gave him my same list of reasons again. The final one was "I do not want to have any pet that eats other animals." To which he asked, "didn't you have a pet bird once?" I did, and I don't like to talk about it. Did you know that birds can't live if you forget to feed them for even a day or two?! Dogs will let you know when they're hungry instead of just falling off the perch. So I just told him yes. Then with skill of a trial lawyer, my sweet little kindergartener said, "well, birds eat worms, and worms are animals, so you broke your own rule." Nice try, Buddy, but they sell bird feed in a box! Whew.

We've covered funny and smart, so let's tackle weird. The baby's new thing is that he wants to lay his head on my stomach with my shirt pulled up like he's listening to something in there. Maybe the sounds of his first home? Hoping for a friend to be growing in there? (not a chance!) But he does it as often as he can get me to sit down with him. He's so sweet and cuddly, and I'm sure my belly does make a fluffy pillow, but don't you think that's weird? I guess no more so than the weather. Sunburns last Saturday in the pool and snow castles in the front yard this Saturday. It's gotten so confusing to go outdoors that maybe the poor baby is just remember the one place where the temperature and dress code never changed.

Spring Break part 2

This has been a fun week with the kids home. The only real fights have been in the back seat of the clown car where they all have to squish elbow-to-elbow. They have been funny and sweet for the most part. I don't know what I would do without my little Mama! Kailyn does a better job watching the boys than I do I think. Odd for the 6 year old to have a 4 yr old babysitter, but it works!

We got to spend time with my grandparents this week, which is always a blessing. As my kids were screaming and requiring more help than the three adults could provide, Grandad says, "you just need to have two more and you'll be where we were at your age!" Can I just tell you how scary that was?! Three's definitely the max...if for no other reason than the bathroom's not big enough for anyone else to cram in there with me. I can see me taking a bath with 5 kids and the dog peering over the edge of the tub tattling, dropping socks in the water, asking if I want them to shampoo my hair, turning on the hot! Yep, we're good with the three who already do those things.

Went to the park with friends today. So fun, and we didn't even have to fish a kid out of the lake or whip out the first aid kit. (fyi, we've yet to have to fish one out, but it's always a strong possibility) I do think if I ever get back into science, my first experiment will be to figure out the magnetic attraction between boys and sticks and mud! One of my boys staked his claim to a stick the length of a flag pole that he was super excited to poke into the water. The other boy fell in the mud, which made him perfectly happy, and licking it off his hands was even better. Good times. Now I'm off to help the oldest with some sort of craft project with the beer caps he collected at the park. Yeah, I don't know either, but it's a boy thing.

Spring Break!

We kicked off Spring Break with a sunny Saturday spent in the pool and cooking out. Carter learned a new word too, so it was extra special. FYI, if my almost two year old says to you, "Look! Boobies!" He's really just excited to see birds. "Birdies." That could get confusing in some settings.
I have a kid and husband with sunburns from Sat, but today is rainy and cold, and it's hard to believe that 48 hours ago we were celebrating summer.
It's been an interesting day. We went to the Science Spectrum (a science museum for kids) and to lunch with friends where my baby ate another child's leftover lunch. Less gross somehow than what the 4 year old did at school last week though-she and her friends found, yes, FOUND a pacifier and took turns sucking on it pretending to be babies. Anyway! I learned on the way home that the loaner car from the body shop that I started driving today while my SUV gets repaired has poor brakes. Why is it that this lesson must always be learned as you're sliding through an intersection? If that wasn't enough excitement for one day, Kailyn (4 yr old) told her little brother, "I love you, Baby, but get out of my face." That can only mean we're in for a week of sibling love/hate. I have already told Brent that the next child who tattles is going to be put up for adoption and the child who causes it will be donated to a zoo. If I was hoping for a dull moment on this Spring Break, I may have to wait a while. Happy breaking!

Fitness

Pop quiz: if a mom pushing a double stroller with 63 lbs. of babies on board walks/jogs to and from the gym in 30 mph winds and the gym is 0.7 mi from her house, how long will it take for that mother to pass out?
I was blissfully unaware of the wind when we left this morning until we had walked far enough to no longer be protected by the houses all around. By then the kids were excited, and I was hoping to exorcise (yeah, like demons) the brownies I scarfed yesterday. I did not anticipate the treadmill effect of walking head on into gale force winds!
I thought that by pushing the stroller to and from the gym rather than driving there, I would get an EXTRA workout. Not so. Instead I managed to convince myself once seated on a weight machine that I had really already gotten a good leg workout on the way, and I really ought to save my strength for the walk home. I need to work on my discipline. I want to be strong and fit, but it's so much more fun to be still and eat brownies! Besides, I carry a 26 lb. toddler around all the time, so how much stronger do I need to be? Right? Except in Hebrews 12 Paul talks about the benefits of discipline and says, "no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful." I get that part! "Later on, however, it produces a harvest of peace and righteousness for those who have been trained by it." (12:12) I realize he's not talking about working out here, but it's convicting to me that if I'm lazy in my physical fitness, my spiritual fitness can't be much better.
It's so much easier for kids to stay fit. Yesterday my 6 year old and 2 preschoolers pulled out the old mini trampoline circa 1985 and had a blast bouncing on it in the yard, aside from all three of them trying unsuccessfully to jump at the same time. I'm pretty sure they know that actual trampolines are much larger and way more entertaining, but those won't fit under the bed when not in use, so I'm not putting any ideas in their heads! Anyway, they were a little disappointed yesterday that Mommy wouldn't jump with them. I had to admit the truth that Mommy has given birth a few times, and sometimes her allergies act up outdoors. Thus, it's not safe for her to jump just in case she sneezes. But that is a fitness tale of an entirely different color.

So I'm expanding on my facebook status:

my trip to Walmart this evening did wonders for my self-esteem. Word to the wise: "if your breasts are the size of VW Beetles but extremely disproportionate to one another, don't hold a bra up to your chest in the aisle!"

(I'm leaving out that my dear friend corrected me because I spelled it "isle," but whatever.)

I've been noticing thanks to some sites that post hidden photos taken of Wal-mart patrons that some people really have no shame! I am embarrassed at myself if I can't zip up my pants because I polished off a pan of brownies by myself, and I wouldn't dream of wearing those same pants in public with a tiny half shirt that lets all the chub the pants couldn't contain come right on out into public view. I mean, really? But before I even got in the door last night, I saw that woman sauntering into the store like she was the queen bee. I don't want to even see fit women at the gym parading in sports bras because I feel obligated to suck in my belly and wish triplets on them. But at least at the gym it's in context. Walmart may be a cheap place to buy groceries, even pick up a fishing license, but people! It is NOT the place to flaunt your fleshy bits! Keep it under wraps so we can buy our groceries without losing our lunches.