It's Only Puppy Love, But Love Stinks!

I grew up with an animal loving father. We had exotic birds, rabbits, tortoises, a cat I sweet talked my daddy into rescuing, an opossum, cats, dogs, and an ostrich. Technically it was a rhea, a slightly smaller, just as mean, gray version of an ostrich. All these critters lived in the back yard. Humans and fish in aquariums (and the occasional reptile) were the only things allowed to live indoors. Then I married Brent, and he came with a sweet but crotchety 80 pound house dog. She barked at squirrels and leaves blowing by and perceived all other dogs as mortal enemies. I brought a pet into the marriage too, an African tortoise that eventually grew to the size of a beach ball. No barking, no shedding, no having to be let out in the middle of the night, and didn't have to be fed every day. He couldn't even run away. I thought he was the perfect pet. 

I don't remember becoming a dog person, but as I write this, a Rottweiler is laying on my feet keeping my toes warm while a Great Dane snoozes in my lap. Thus, either I am a dog lover or a crazy woman. You read "Great Dane in my lap" and automatically concluded the latter, didn't you? I should clarify that she is 6 weeks old and weighs 13 pounds. By this time next year I suspect she will dwarf the Rottweiler and serve as a riding toy for the children.  In other words, she is a temporary lap dog. For now I'm carrying her around and baby talking her constantly. I'm thinking toting a fast growing giant breed puppy has got to be a good workout plan. I could build some serious muscle if I don't break my spine first! 

We technically have two lap dogs. Zelda the rotty swims laps all summer like an Olympic athlete.  Sometimes she tries to jump over pool noodles but doesn't quite clear them so she just swims with a floatie under her until someone removes it for her. I guess not EXACTLY like an Olympian. ...I had to pause and let the picture in my mind of Michael Phelps splashing around the deep end with a hot pink noodle tucked under his arms sink in. 

Back to the dogs. The big one holds a local record for the stench of her flatulence. When I was a kid, my friend had a smelly house dog, and I used to wonder why they never got rid of it. There's no way I'd put up a mutt like that! Now not only do I put up with a full-blood, high-bred champion progeny, world class farter, but I let her sleep on the floor next to my side of the bed! Crazy woman. She has had ACL surgery, an MRI and neurology consultation, and takes 4 pills twice daily to control her epilepsy. I want to make you believe she's worth the trouble, but I have a feeling you're reading this with the same level of empathy that I had for my friend's gassy dog. Why?! Because we are crazy! We love our Stinky McToots-a-Lot like family. And since we love her, we wanted her to have a pet of her own. Enter Macy, the horse in the making who is currently twitching in her sleep and sucking on my sleeve. I surprise myself realizing how happy these doggies make me in spite of the shedding, drooling, pooping, seizing, and tooting. If you see me out and about, I'll be the nut job with huge biceps toting a 150 pound Great Dane in a baby carrier on my chest.