how I spent my summer vacation

In the pool, in the car, and in planes. I guess technically that was only a fraction of my summer, but that’s it in a nutshell, and my beloved always asks me for the short version.

I spent today flying back from New York, and it wasn't one of my better plane trips. There were no crashes, and I didn't get sick, so it could have been much worse, but all I could think of while I was sitting in the flying day care- where there were babies as far as the eye can see. Actually, as far as the ear can hear- was how my beloved has gotten bumped to first class a number of times, and it has yet to happen to me. I left Manhattan extra early this morning to account for traffic and lines at the airport. There were neither lines nor traffic, so I had 2 hours to kill in the airport before boarding. We made up for my easy arrival on tarmac where we waited in line for 25 minutes for our turn on the runway. About 1 minute into the wait, the newborn in the seat next to me began wailing. When he finally gave it up about an hour later, the infant a few rows ahead picked up the slack. I want to know who handed out the sign up sheet for the babies to pick a time slot because it was constant crying in even rotations. I usually feel bad for the parents, but I also usually have headphones to minimize my discomfort, and this time I had accidentally packed them in my checked bag. I had also given up my isle seat to the couple beside me with the infant and long-legged father, and going to the bathroom now seemed an impossible feat. My full bladder made me less sympathetic to the wailers' parents.

Eventually, I did have to go to the bathroom, and it was like a 4-member Olympic team scrambling to beat the drink cart. We all had to hobble out of the row (baby too), hobble back in as the flight attendants brought the cart by, and play musical chairs in order to get back out again. When I came back to my seat, the mother was changing a diaper in it.

Then there was the child behind me who got airsick. Oh yes. The smell of vomit infected my nostrils at the exact moment the attendants began handing out microwaved cheeseburgers. I won't even describe that delectable treat. Finally we landed, and I sprinted through George Bush Intl in order to catch my connecting flight.

The second flight was less eventful, but there was a boy about 10 in front of me laying across 2 seats listening to his ipod without headphones. High pitched Indian music whined the same rhythm for an hour and a half. This kid also ordered coffee from the flight attendant with lots of sugar. Apparently the sugar/caffeine ratio made the kid deaf because the music continued to get louder as the flight progressed. I thought the guy next to me was going to beat the kid, and if we had landed 5 minutes later, I might have done it myself. I've never been so glad to run to my car full of my own screaming, smelly kids in all my life. It's good to be home.